This is personal stuff, so if you’re just here for the stitching, feel free to ignore 🙂
I spend money when I’m depressed. I’m not clinically depressed, I’m not on medication. I do get down periods and I do “cheer myself up” by spending money. The most obvious outburst of this was when my neurologist threw m in the too hard basket last year I went a little nuts buying Christmas presents.
However I didn’t stop at that. At the same time there was the Needle Delight closing down sales. After that there was the Sew and So after Christmas sales. The Violarium closing down sales. The Pawprints closing down sales.
Just this week Colours Down Under had DMC Perle #5 for $2 so I added in the Gloriana skeins for Love Potion #9 turning a $6 order into a $40 order. While typing up the project-a-day for Glitz and Glamour Onyx I decided finally to order a set of 12″ stretcher bars. Instead of just ordering cheap stretcher bars, I ordered two complete sets 8″ and 12″ of Evertite bars, and the evertite tool and some proper tacks with International Post came to around $70.
I have to put the brakes on myself. So I’m doing it here “publicly” on the blog. I’m owning up to my behaviour. And I’m stopping it. @Mochachick8 has given me a lead on a sweet little eBay seller for the fabric for Scarlet Unspoken but I’m not going to use it.
From now, I am not going to buy any more cross stitch supplies, DVDs, books etc until my credit card is paid off. I have a fixed. extremely limited. income. I have to remember that fact. In the past I could deal with this behaviour by picking up a few more weekend overtime shifts. Currently I cannot work. At all. I cannot affect my income at all. I have one tiny amount coming in from the government (no I’m not even getting the full allowance) and I have to learn to live within it. That means paying off my current round of excesses as well as all the upcoming medical costs that may be incurred with the new specialist.
I’m not trying to have a pity party, or make anyone feel sorry for me. I am certainly not trying to ask anyone to buy anything for me. I do have enough stuff in my stash. Honestly. Please do not see this as a way for me to milk stuff from my friends. I have incredibly generous friends, I do not want to do anything to make them feel like I am a user.
What this post is about, is me being brutal with myself. And I can only do that if it is done publicly. If I say it where other people can see it, then I can’t hide from it.
So in summary, I regardless what new designs come out, what items I discuss on this blog, what one tiny item I need I wont be buying it until the credit card is paid off.
The only exceptions are DMC threads which I can buy from the local shop in town.
I will be spending time organising my stash again as this reinforces the “you have enough stuff” message in my brain and I’ll be rearranging and adding stuff to the Wish Lists. Again this is not a pathetic attempt to get more people to buy me things (I already have overly generous friends as it is); it is simply another way to fool myself into thinking I’m rewarding myself without hitting that “buy now” button.
Oh one last note: for those concerned – the amount on the credit card isn’t actually *that* high. It’s not in the multiples of thousands of dollars. But it is too high for someone in my income bracket and it is a behaviour that is increasing and therefore needs to stopped, hard. Once the credit card has been paid off, enough length of time will have elapsed that I’ll be cautious about spending again instead of spending willy-nilly like I’m doing now. Also I might be cured of the migraines too. Or my stash might be reduced because I might have stitched some of it – you never know.