For the past couple of weeks things seemed to be improving. Less waking up in pain, cognitive abilities seemed to be lasting longer throughout the day; I could string a sentence together at 2pm!
Mum was convinced that the new drug regime was working but I was more cautious. I wasn’t sure if it was the drugs or the lack of triggers.
For the last couple of weeks we’ve had driving rain, howling winds straight from the snow fields and the coldest temperatures of the year. Basically its weather where you only venture out to put out the garbage and collect more firewood from the shed and scurry back indoors. I’m not outside leisurely putting clothes on the line or walking around the village to collect the mail. No-one is whistling as they walk past the house or using chain saws or angle grinders in the back yard. Mum’s even doing the shopping by herself on the way home from work instead of the two of us making an outing of it. In summary, I’ve been away from most environmental noise triggers for over a fortnight.
In among that there were two outings. Last Sunday Miss A invited us out to the Hall Markets. These are an out an outdoor handicraft markets set up in a paddock just outside Canberra. Large crowds, but its all outside and plenty of room to move. Had a good time for a couple of hours and then ran into a couple of screaming babies/toddlers around lunch and decided it was time to go … Had a migraine that afternoon and was incapacitated with pain for all Monday and Tuesday afterwards.
On Friday I had a doctor’s appointment and then a government stop off to hand in forms etc and then a spot of grocery shopping. I was almost puking in pain before we got to the supermarket. The rest of Friday, Saturday and Sunday are filed under “Days I never want to repeat” as they were just that painful.
Yet there was nothing in the Friday outing that I could point to as a specific trigger.
When I was living in Perth, I was on a different set of drugs that just took the edge off the pain and I pushed through with sheer bloody determination every day to get to work and live my life. The decision to quit my job and move in with my mother was based in the idea that if I let my brain and head rest and relax then the parts of my brain that were over-firing and keeping the migraine cycle overclocked would calm down and the drugs could break the constant migraine cycle.
Instead I seem to have sensitived myself to the noise pollution of modern life. All the electronic squeaks, clicks, buzzes, bells, dings, beeps we tune out every minute of our corporate and commercial lives. I’ve lost the ability to tune out noise.
Next time you are standing in a queue, any queue, stop and listen and count the number and type and pitch of electronic squeaks, clicks, buzzes, bells, dings, beeps you hear – I bet you will be surprised!
The problem here – well there are a number of problems, starting with the diciness of self diagnosis! – is that if I am correct, I hope there is a better solution than immersion therapy because I don’t want to go through Friday – Sunday ever again.
I also hope there’s another factor at play. Something else I haven’t thought of. Something else that made the last three days so bad.
Something else that set back all the progress that we thought we had had. Something else that might be a blip, not a portent.