Depression

This is emo stuff so feel free to delete without reading.

In the last few days, for varying reasons, depression has reared up and slapped me in the face again.

I’m coping with life as best I can – but that’s not really saying much.  I’m just riding the session out until thing get better.

Part of that is that I haven’t been very communicative with anyone except to return emails or txts that are sent directly to me.

Part of depression for me is the desperate need to reach out, to rail at the deities and *demand* I need a hug !!!  I need someone to hug me and hold me and tell me that everything is alright and I’m not really a bad person.

At the same time I’m sooo scared of reaching to anyone, to talk to anyone because well face it, who really wants to talk to someone crying down the phone at you …. and the rebuff would just make everything worse.

So instead of reaching out, I stare at the phone and cry for hours – stupid huh ???

I have nothing truly terrible going on in my life, I have no-one dying, I have a job I have a wage I have a roof over my head.

Some hassles have just all converged together in the last few days and its all gotten on top of me.  I’ll ride this out and be fine in a few days or a week as per normal.

I’m writing this now for two reasons:  One to apologise for any odd behaviour or if I’ve been distant lately. And two, I wanted to see if I was actually brave enough to blog about this.  I do get depression, especially when I don’t get a weekly endorphin and cuddle fix, which I’m not and don’t foresee getting for a long long while.

I know people love the happy bouncy Tigger Mel – well this is the other side that I never talk about.  This is the dark sister that visits occasionally and I just have to wait for her to go away.

Off for a shower and thence to work – I hope so very fervently that today is better than yesterday.  Anyone have a spare winning Lotto ticket lying around?  Or a tall blond?

Many hugs to my friends and again I apologise for not being the happy bouncy Mel you all know and love.  Sh’ell be back at some point – hopefully soon.

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